If You Do The Work, The Results Will Come
Surprising revelations in mental toughness and evolution
What is Your Third Spot (Y3S) Wellness?
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Happy Sunday Brunch Wellies,
I’m writing today to you from a little bit of a funk. I’m sharing vulnerably as I always do, but this time in hopes you can relate. Not in a ‘misery loves company’ kind of way, but more so in a ‘stronger together’ intention.
I sat on the bench today at the gym, sweating profusely over what feels like baby weights. 3x12 back squat at 95#. Two years ago it would have been somewhere in the 210 range. It hurts my little ego. I sat there thinking,
“%#@K I’m fat and out of shape.”
Clearly, that’s not my voice. That’s the part of my IBSC (itty bitty shitty committee) who likes to torment me with criticism. She’s really no fun.
Maybe it’s my hormones, the heat, or something else all together, but she really got me with that comment. I cried. I just finished leaving the house in my workout gear: sports bra and stretchy bottoms. I inspected my reflection in the vestibule full-length 360 mirror at my folks’ and was not happy. My torso is puffy, and I don’t feel cute.
Nevertheless, I gave myself a little pep talk and loving kindness and went to get to work… even though that little voice started creeping in of ‘what used to be’ and ‘look at how you let yourself go’.
Let’s be clear here, my body dysmorphia is relative. My clothes still fit (albeit a little more snug than last year), but I’m still nonetheless un.com.fy and I’m managing all the things that come with it.
This isn’t a confessional or fishing line for compliments, it’s a note on how IF YOU DO THE WORK, THE RESULTS WILL COME. Mentally and physically.
The reality check
This year has been stressful. I feel like I failed in every aspect of health: I’m not as fit, I’m not any leaner, I’m not as strong because I haven’t been dialed in as I could (or used to be). I had a lot of fun with food and didn’t track as closely as I could have. I gave up sometimes when it was hard and my internal dialogue wanted to soothe my food compulsion. I am the product today of all the choices I have made in the past. I can’t expect results from the effort I didn’t put in.
Meeting myself with compassion
This year has been stressful!
It was one of the most difficult years I’ve had in my profession, it drained me from every ounce of everything I had left, every single day.
I started three new writing ventures: substack, medium, and wrote a book. I edited my 275 page manuscript three times!
I worked ridiculously hard for a new rank at karate.
… I won’t list the things because everyone is busy and has a million and one things on their plate at any given time. I know I’m not special, but I gave and gave and gave and gave, and held on by a thread.
As my therapist adequately described it: ‘You emptied the well so many times this year no wonder you’re exhausted.’
She’s right. I feel burned to a crisp because I gave from a cup with a hole in the bottom. I was treading water in an undercurrent.
I think you get the idea.
The payoff
This is probably the best part, even though it took me a few hours of sifting through thoughts to get here. I’ll do it in bullet form:
I didn’t fail in my wellness this year. Nutrition was a huge trial and error situation: what to eat, when to eat it, how to manage my blood sugar and cravings, how to time and manage my meals so that I wasn’t exhausted at school or starving when I arrived at snackland aka parents’, what was my tolerable upper limit of glucose, small meals versus big meals… I’ve figured out what works really well, and what isn’t so great. I tripped, wobbled, and fell off course. Apparently that’s the human experience.
*Hint: 50g of protein per meal, and one small snack in the afternoon seems to be the best. Smoothie in the morning for breakfast is my best option because solid food are no bueno.
I navigated a ton of flare ups with my back. I had to be extremely careful when I was twingey so I could keep training at karate (and practicing for my grading). If I was too exhausted, sore, or in pain to lift, I didn’t. Of course my numbers went down, I couldn’t keep up in the gym because of XYZ.
*Hint: sometimes you have to work with what your body tells you, regardless of what your ego wants.
(And this is the big one) I’ve been working really hard on myself this year. The reps weren’t in the gym, they were in my brain. I’ve learned to self care, when to take my food off the gas, put on the brakes, slam on the brakes, how to manage myself and ask for help, and understand what voices (parts) of me are coming from somewhere else and know what voices belong to me.
*Hint: I didn’t beat myself up and start to plan and control every single thing from macros to food timing, workouts, etc. I didn’t add more tasks, more stress, more workouts, more more more more more. My calm, centred thoughts were, “What can I do less of so my body can relax and be happy?” That one blew me away.
We’re all human (duh), we all live in our own meat suits. I still stand by the ethos of YOU DO YOU. Whatever makes you feel your best please by all means do it.
I’m going to take this day to radically accept where I am, take responsibility for the accumulation of the year and also my actions, good and less than stellar. I know what to do to feel better in my skin, but it’s definitely not going to be more micromanagement. I’m going to be less uptight, listen to my body more, workout to find my minimum effective dose to stay fit but not crispy, and see how I can balance fun foods and life without feeling stuck in rubber casing.
Don’t abandon your goals, just modify accordingly. How can you create and achieve excellence from where you’re standing (given what’s on your plate) now?
Moral of the story: putting in the reps for self-improvement will pay off on days you’re sitting in the gym, slumped over and inspecting your fat rolls, listening to your inner critic tell you that you’re a fat POS (piece of crap) and a failure. Knowing how to and who to reach out for help to prop you up, understanding what thoughts are real, and being able to take radical responsibility for yourself without punishment or flagellation but instead replace it with love and kindness is the BIG REWARD.
Just some food for thought.
Love ya.
*****